April 17, 2012

Dear Babies,

Today I was called the four letter c-word.

No, not THAT word.

We had a follow up appointment with the surgeon of your cancelled surgery, Baby Boy, and he said to me, “you’re so calm.”

Strangers tell me this. Family. Friends. Now doctors I’ve met maybe four times at ten minute spans.

I guess I am freakin’ calm.

Though I couldn’t help but wonder, there in the examining room with one of the top pediatric surgeons of the Cohen’s Children’s Hospital at LIJ, what do you want me to do??

We hit the jackpot, babies. We are healthy. Surgery and the stress of having to put you under anesthesia is over…for now.

And yes, I say “for now” not to be this doomsday crier (though let me tell you, we have enough toilet paper and packs of Orbit gum from Costco to wipe our bums and have minty breath until your senior proms), but because I get it. There can always be something to worry about, babies.

Every parent I talk to, no matter what the age of their child or children, has stuff going on. Because isn’t that how it goes, there’s always something? Like that saying–or maybe it’s in a song–you’re always going to get the bad shopping cart with the busted wheel because guess what, they all suck.

No, I get it.

We are healthy, and I count my lucky stars for that. There’s not a day goes by when I don’t wake up and give thanks. (Even mornings when I’m hungover after a crazy night of three white wine spritzers and a coffee with baileys, how cool am I? Don’t answer.) I’ve looked around the halls of that hospital. I’ve seen sick children there. I know that they are no different than us. I don’t get it. I wish that I could change their fate, but…

When I was trying to get pregnant with you guys, I would see pregnant women everywhere. On the subway. On the street. It was torture. They were no different than me. Why is this my fate, I would cry inside. But…

Crazy stuff  happens in life. You can throw your arms up in the air and run the halls screaming like Animal from the Muppets, DAAAAAAHHHHH!

Or you can deal with it. Stay strong. Stay positive. Find solutions. Find hope and faith within yourself.

I go now, my Zen pupils.

Calm, me, like Yoda.



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