You’re going to be the type who feels naked going out without her purse, Baby Girl, I can tell.
I can tell because at the last second before we are about to leave any room, you grab something and take it with you.
CAPTAIN CALAMARI! HELLO KITTY! A TISSUE! I MUST HAVE THIS!
This is, of course, is if your beloved googly-eyed “Asbestos Banana” isn’t already clenched in your fist. Hmm? Oh, after several trips to the park he was Smelly Banana. Now, after being dangled over animal cages and drooled on by you and a dog and taken in the bath at night with his lovely polyester fabric and synthetic fibers that are unable to be washed, he has been further demoted.
Transporting within the house is all fine. I found a Weeble in the dishwasher yesterday and like Sloth and Chunk hot on the heels of the Goonies said matter-of-factly, “hmph, she was here.”
But if we’re going out, that’s a different story. That’s when I must make the executive decision: Remove object from hands and deal with complete meltdown now? Or, let her take said object in the car, to music class, in Uncle Giuseppe’s, and deal with the crying of her brother and/or other kids when they see this and want one, too?
At the library this morning I silently cursed a woman who let her granddaughter bring in and play with her own giant Minnie Mouse toy as you two stood at the child’s feet, pointing and “MMMM MMMing,” encroaching on the girl like blood hungry zombies. I had to keep literally pull you away saying, “say bye-bye, Minnie! Minnie’s leaving now! She’s going to get lunch!” to avoid an out-numbered attack. That was fun.
No. As you reach for something, Baby Girl, there is a moment within me when I reach for something too. A catch-phrase: Pay it forward.
I find myself using this a lot these days, like a well-coifed expert over-anunciating tips along side blue-screened bullet points on the Today Show.
FRIEND: “He can’t believe I’m buying more toys for her…”
ME: “What he doesn’t understand is that anything that will occupy at least five minutes of attention is worth it, it’s an investment, it’s paying if forward!”
YOUR DAD: “Should we take the umbrella stroller, or the City Select?”
ME: “While the City Select is heavier, you know if they get bored in the double-wide they’re going to start whacking the hell out of each other, take the City Select, it’s more annoying, but it buys us more time in the store, pay it forward.”
Most days whatever you have pilfered from the house gets confiscated by the time we’ve circled the car in the garage for the fourth time. (Distraction, distraction, distraction.) To me its not worth dealing with the potential outside drama, or worse, having to pick whatever up 10,000 times when you drop it on the floor.
Asbestos Banana, on the other hand, there is no prying him from your hands. I’m a type of girl, too. I’ve been known to feel naked sometimes. My bag. Where’s my phone? Chapstick. Even an orangey-red lipstick.
Hey, we all have our things.