Friday May 11, 2012

Dear Babies,

I was at Barnes and Noble this morning over-thinking a birthday gift–I buy two gifts, since I’m two kids, right?–when I came across this in a book about ninja Legos and took a picture with my phone :


Earlier, I had half-listened to a segment on the Today Show about Attachment Parenting. The woman on the cover of this week’s #Time magazine who posed breast feeding her three-year-old son for their story “Mom Enough” was on hailing the method, as well as Dr. Kevorkian I MEAN Dr. Sears. He said has never seen a child who is raised by attachment parenting grow up to be a bully.

Now, it’s not the theory I have a problem with. In fact I don’t have a problem with any theory. Attachment Parenting. Ferberizing. Parent Directed feedings. I am getting hives thinking back to all those baby books I (half) read when I was pregnant.

What I just don’t understand is how anyone has the right to declare they know the right way to raise a child. Because if this coveted information existed, if there was a surefire way to raise a happy, well adjusted, upstanding individual who says please and thank you and wipes their own ass, wouldn’t we all just do that? Wouldn’t there be one book–“How to Raise a Child.”–instead of 115,2200 (I just typed “parenting” into Barnes and

Stop the judgement. The goddamn judgment. Nobody knows who to raise a human. That’s why we’re all so beautifully flawed.

In the meantime, let’s focus on more disturbing things, like this picture of a Lego ninja being tortured. Because apparently it’s okay to show this to a five year old boy–encourages imaginative play!–but your child will grow up to be a bully if you let him cry and give him formula. Right.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you Mothers and Mother Lovers.



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