Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Dear Babies,

A friend of mine keeps getting thrown these curve balls in life. I said that to her, “you keep getting thrown these curve balls.”

Do you know what she said back?

“Well, talk about having a guardian angel…”

In other words, she’s focusing on the positive. She’s not having a pity party, saying why does this stuff keep happening to me. She says how fortunate that I keep making it out okay…

…In a span of about thirty minutes yesterday the following happened:

You guys broke into a case of wine I had hidden in my office. I noticed when the house suddenly sounded like a bowling alley. I looked and saw our 1997 Opus One  rolling down the hall.

You broke into the diaper genie, Baby Girl, and were tossing around full dirty diapers in the can with your bare hands like you were tossing a fresh salad. You then put your hands directly into your mouth.

But why stop there? You ate a piece of chalk and almost a snail. You had the whole green shell on your extended tongue like you were licking an ice cream cone. You thought it was a rock, as if that makes it any better.

Baby Boy, you threw up strawberries in your high chair after dinner for no apparent reason. Did you eat too much too fast? From the looks of it, did you even chew?

After I cleaned you up and gave you both a bath, your sister peed on your bedroom carpet.

While I was cleaning that up, you went behind your chair and squatted and pooped all over the floor–and it was not pretty. It never is, but come on, that was ridiculous.

Our house looked like a ransacked crime scene at a zoo.

It was almost nine at night and I wanted to cower in the corner of the shower naked like the guy in “The Crying Game.” No need to watch “The Crying Game,” for the sole reason of there are enough things out there in the world to disturb you, you can watch Jim Carrey parody the scene in “Ace Ventura” instead.

Some days will make you want to feel like this, because of big things, because of small…

Luckily, some people will inspire you to toss it off with a shrug.




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