Here’s what I don’t know:
Why the man at Target the other day came up to me and said, “are you the manager?”
“No,” I said, wide-eyed, thinking why the hell out of the everyone here in this entire store is this guy coming up to me? And, he looks like Kenny Rogers.
“Oh, well do you work here?”
I dont’ know why “Free My Addict,” “the place for quality support for family and friends of addicts and alcoholics” started following me on twitter out of the blue, as well as “Belvedere and Bourbon” whose description is “We drink, therefore we are…drunk.”
I don’t know why they put ham in pea soup and don’t say so on the menu, or at least call it pea soup with ham? I get it, it’s made with a ham bone, but come on that’s not a dash of pepper you’re adding, that is a cubed piece of cooked pig. You can’t just do that.
I don’t know why some people like Elvis Costello songs (who? some people must), while some do not (no song of his will ever make it past the first few chords when it comes on in our car).
Similarly, I don’t know why some people might be embarrassed to drive with the windows down blasting Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” (who? some people must), while some do not (Hi, I’m your mom, and I drove this morning with the windows down blasting Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again”).
I don’t know if your nose really gets bigger as you age, but mine certainly looks bigger. When I wear my sunhat with my sunglasses I look like I am wearing one of those campy detective disguises with that big fake nose…
I don’t know why I just don’t go to bed at night. Why I stay up looking at pictures and videos of you, why I miss you, when I just saw you! When you’re right in the next room! When we’ll all be up together in a few short hours! But oh, that video from dinner last night with you, Baby Girl, hysterically laughing at your brother putting the bowl on his head like a hat, that was so cute, you guys are so funny…
As Aaron Neville sang with his remarkably high-pitched vibrato, “I don’t know much, but I know I love you-ooo-ooo-ooo…”
And I know that singing like Aaron Neville is quite fun and it never gets old.
So there’s a little party trick for you to keep in your back pocket. You’re welcome.