Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Dear Babies,

“They’re not coming,” I said to your father when he got home from work last night, pouting.

He cocked his head at me as if to say, come on.

We did just put the house out on Sunday, and it was only Monday, but still.

It’s not just a house, it’s a gazebo! It looks like the miniature tiki hut where Tamra from the OC Real Housewives just stayed at the Four Seasons Bora Bora! And we put a lot of good stuff in it, all of these fancy seeds! So where, then, are the damn birds?

I know what you’re thinking. Is this what your life has come to, Mom? Staring out the window looking for birds? 

This morning I got an email from BabyCenter telling me not to worry if my kids play with their genitals at this age, and Daily Candy Kids Deals sent a promotion for 83% off Whitening Lightning, a teeth-whitening kit. I read that one twice, blinking, cross checking the heading “Daily Candy Deals: Kids” and still not getting the connection between children and teeth whitening, concluding that this must have been some sort of mistake. I’m just trying to get a tooth-brush into your mouths without you guys biting my hands off and living out the rest of my days like the hooked psychopath dressed like the Gordon’s Fisherman in “I Know You What You Did Last Summer.” Maybe, it’s just me.

So yes, back to the birds. . .

Your dad talked to me like a child. He told me to be patient. That I have to give the birds time to find the house and realize there’s food in there.

I looked out the kitchen window and saw them flying so close to it around the tree. It was like they were taunting me, and I got frustrated. They’re right there! I exclaimed. Why don’t they  just take bite! I don’t get it!

“They will come,” your dad said calmly; your father, the prophet.

At 1:30 a.m. I closed my laptop and crawled into bed beside him. “Where were you?” he asked, already knowing the answer.


“Babe, you don’t have to put all of this pressure on yourself.”

“I know. It’s not pressure it’s. . . it’s. . . ”

In the movie “Field of Dreams” Kevin Costner gets his operating instructions from a voice he hears in his cornfield. “If you build it, he will come.”

I think there are signs everywhere, babies. It’s just so hard to be still enough to hear them.

Here I am in my cornfield, saying come out, come out, birds, wherever you are.




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