Friday, October 5, 2012

Dear Babies,

Many things seem impossible to me right now.

Running is one.

Wearing high heels is another.

Going to an ’80’s dance party where “Rhythm Nation” comes on while I’m on the dance floor–wow, what would I do? Would I be able to control myself?

Your father is leaving today for a bachelor party in Vegas. That, too, feels impossible.

It’s probably less so for him. Even though it’s been a while since he has been to a club (your dad is going to a club! Do you think they will play “Rhythm Nation?” He can only hope), your father has much more contact with adults than I do. He keeps one foot in our cocoon here on a dead-end street (*not a metaphor, it backs up to a golf course, there is a sign in front of our house that literally says “dead-end”), and one foot in the world around us that spins on and on. I taught you guys to pinch your fingers together in a way that symbolizes money, and now anytime someone says “Daddy” you make that cash sign, as if Daddy is a baller. He and Jay-Z. Perhaps this image will work well for him Vegas.

My best friend at the moment is a spider that lives next to our mailbox. He is striped and quite pretty, and giant, so big he might eat me, which I guess is true for the pretty ones of any species. Each night when I open the front door and step out onto our little porch he is there in the middle of his web, aglow in the amber porch light. The bugs are so loud at night, especially after the rain. Sometimes I feel like I am stepping out into a jungle. (Or, sometimes I pretend.) That’s another big thing about moving from the City to the suburbs, you never realize all of the bug noises, all of the birds.

“You’re getting awfully close to my mail there, spider!” I said the other night. He did not respond but clung there with all of his legs.

Please don’t take this as your dear ol’ mother here is lonely.

I am not.

I am…busy? Is busy the right word? Am I too busy for friends?

I have great friends. I love and miss them. We text each other so all the time. We write let’s make plans to get together and catch up soon. Yes, definitely! Next available dates get put on the calendar for months in advance. We are all so busy.

Every day there are people I’m meaning to call. Yesterday a friend had a huge thing happen in her career, and I forget to call or even text her to wish her good luck. I thought of her all day. In fact I think of all of my friends often. I think of my friend in California. I think, I’ll call her. But then that never happens. What happens instead to prevent me from remembering or having the time to make a phone call? You can never predict, I guess that’s what happens. Yesterday you climbed into my car and turned the hazard lights on, Baby Boy. I didn’t even know where they were. Suddenly the garage looked like a disco, blink, blink, blink, blink, with yellow flashing lights…

The movie “Lady and the Tramp” has been on in our house for three days now. You love it. I love it. You are able to sit for five minute stretches in front of it. It’s a win-win all around.

The main character’s faces are rarely seen in the movie, you hear their voices and see them from the neck down, I guess to imply a dog’s eye view. (Those old Disney classics, really good stuff). But yesterday I caught a glimpse of Jim Dear as he was walking down the stairs.

Did you know that he has a mustache?

I never saw him as a mustache type of guy…

That’s the type of nonsensical thing you say to a friend.

I must remember to tell my spider when I see him.

Love,

Mom

4 thoughts on “Friday, October 5, 2012

  1. Bethany says:

    Amy, I am in the weeds. Since the kids have been back to school, I cannot complete anything. I thought I would have hours to fill writing, reading blogs, touching base with my virtual friends. Running the laundry again after discovering its been sitting for two days seems to fill my time. I have missed reading you! Eager to get caught up soon!

    • amydenby says:

      Bethany! Great to “be in touch!” But do you mean to tell me that you don’t get more time as they get older and are in school for longer? Which reminds me, my daughter’s favorite doll that was starting to smell like cheese is sitting in the dryer. Would love to hear about your exciting writing happenings. Will email you, one of these days…!

  2. jennyh247 says:

    Love this post. As usual you have captured a still shot in the life of so many Mom’s, Amy. It feels so isolating, there just isn’t any emotional energy left for any other interaction once we have taken care of our kids, here we all are in the same boat- alone.

    • amydenby says:

      Thanks, Jenny. And that’s the thing, it feels like you are alone, when really there are so many other moms and parents are out there going through the same thing. I like that visual, of everyone solo trying to stay afloat in their own little boats…except I actually hope mine is a yacht, with a bar…and sleeping quarters, should I find the chance to sleep in the next fifteen years. As always, thank you so much for reading.

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