February 12, 2013: Peter Pan is a D-bag (and other thoughts on love)

Dear Babies,

Peter Pan is a douchebag.

What amazes me is not that I’m calling one of the most beloved Disney characters of all time such a ridiculous word (I mean really, who says the word d-bag, unless you’re a d-bag?) but how no one else seems to get this.

He’s a giant man-child with elfkin ears, yet all of these women are in love with him, fighting each other for his attention. I watched the scene with the scantily-clad Mermaid ladies in the pool throwing themselves at him, threatened by the newcomer Wendy–who is she??–in disbelief. This is happening? This is Peter Pan, the cherished Disney classic? The Diamond Edition? The starfish they’re wearing are barely covering their nipples? No, clearly this must be the cocktail party on Ben’s season of The Bachelor when Shawntel, the formaldehyde-pumping jewelry designer, showed up by surprise.

What good is a d-bag without his entourage of losers, here his appropriately named Lost Boys.

I sat watching them pass an unidentified smoking pipe around to each other, again unclear if I were watching the movie or having a flashback to the basement of Alpha Sig.

Attraction is a personal thing, babies. I get it. A boy who never wants to grow up is not the taste for this old soul, but for you, …? Try as I might to get you to go for the nerds (you’ll see at your high school reunion), you’re gonna like who you’re gonna like. And you need to. As with most things, dating will be trial and error (good lawd). There’s an expression you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince. As your mother I must tell you not to do this, you will get herpes.

What I can tell you is that you must really open your eyes to whom you put on a pedestal. It’s easy to get caught up in the allure of one who can fly.

As Peter says, to live will be an awfully big adventure. That’s a good line, even for a total douchebag.




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