It was a weekend of making big plans then canceling them all.
I was supposed to go to a gala Saturday night–that’s what the invitation said, an actual gala, like something the Clinton’s would host (but not really). However instead of cocktails, dinner and dancing in high heels and, in the absence of kids, all of the jewelry I own, I chose tater tots and a white wine spritzer in my pajamas. I was in bed by ten o’clock.
Both Saturday and Sunday morning your dad and I had the same conversation: What’s the plan for today? Should we go to that carnival? The zoo? The Mets are playing, they do love taking the train…
But in the end, we said nah.
We hung around town. We went in the backyard. Go out to eat? Take-out? We put meals together raiding the house, using whatever was in the cabinets, freezer and fridge (see above, tater tots, and note they were delicious).
As unmotivated as this may all sound, it rather stems from motivation: Your dad is traveling again this week, and he wanted to stick close to home. I wanted to have him here, as if to make up for the approaching lost time.
…Yesterday while you were parking the car at the town dock with your father, Baby Boy, I walked hand in hand with your sister through Sunset Park.
A couple approached us, a young man and woman also hand-in-hand. We’re an obvious height difference, Baby Girl, but this couple, too, mirrored us in the difference. They were a “gym couple,” the guy a big guy in tight rolled up white sweat pants (yes); his girlfriend a tiny bit of a thing about 1/4 of his size. As we scooted around each other to cross on the path, the man joked “we’re both taking our little girls out for a walk…”
Sometimes I curse the gods for the ridiculous things that happen me, sometimes I thank them for the situational gems (like the bird that landed on my rearview mirror while driving on Saturday, yes).
I turned around and could not believe the buttocks on these people. Neither one of them has had to have had a carbohydrate in a years.
But aside from that, I noticed how tightly he was holding onto his girlfriend’s hand. They were practically touching, so close.
I pulled you in tighter and we walked on side by side, and my heart sank thinking how much I was going to miss your dad.
It’s not that he’s around to help with you guys or I even see him so much during the week anyway. But there’s something about knowing he’s here, having him beside me at night, even sitting silently next to me on the couch as we try to recover from our very differently-hectic days, relying on “Modern Family” to turn us from vegetables into people.
I get it now why my Nan would mope so much each and every semester I left for college in Pennsylvania.
We all just want to be near the people we love.