Chipotle cheese, and I’ll take a block of it!
I knew it wasn’t good from the very first bite. Yet I kept on eating the orange slices of fire, giving it a try–because I laid down six dollars for it, a block of it–I owe it to at least give it a try. (Because cheese is worthy of being owed something. Right.)
Bite, okay now this is just not good. Stop eating it. I needed someone to tell me, Ma’am, step away from the cheese. But that didn’t happen.
Now I don’t feel so…light.
Marshmallows, perfect! And they come in the mini-size, too!
I figured, how long can I keep doling out stickers for potty prizes? How many rings from the Dollar Store can I buy? She already walks around the house like Flavor Flav.
I needed something else. Something enticing. Like candy, but non M&M’s, those are made in the same factory as peanuts, grrr. What else?
“The Lorax” was on and in a fated moment I watched the Oncler toss out marshmallows to the forest animals, and their faces melt in bliss.
Aaah, that could be me…
“Yay! You did poop in the potty! Come get a marshmallow!”
“Yay! You did more poop! Come get a marshmallow!”
“Yay! Okay, wow, you pooped again? Yup, you get another marshmallow, I guess. Okay, now this is three marshmallows and it’s, like, 8:00 in the morning. But okay, good job.”
“Another poop? Really? Let me see. Wow, you’re not lying. Um, okay, last one though.”
“Come on. You did not. Wow, you did. How are you going so much? Okay. All right. Oh gees, the dentist is going to kill me.”
“What?! Why don’t you take your time and finish and get it all out at once, okay? Get it all out. No more…little pieces. Just finish. Okay? Stop trying. You’re all done. No more. Very good. All done. Yes, I’m so happy. I’m so proud.”
“Son of a! You’re like a monkey! How are you just squeezing things out on command like this?? All for a marshmallow? Oh gees. All right. Well, this is the last one.”
I don’t have anymore.
I have to get some at the store.
Yes, I’ll get some at the store.
Yes, you can come.
Yes, you too.
And we can buy waffles, sure.
Syrup, of course…
These are the holes I have dug myself in.
Think, I beg you. Think, babies, think!
But sometimes the problem isn’t that you’re not thinking, it’s that you think what you’re thinking is a really good idea.