Wednesday, October 23, 2013: The Letter After E.

Dear Babies,

I saw a South Park episode recently where Cartman ends up on the Dr. Phil show for constantly getting EFFed.

The true context of the episode is him accusing his mother of doing so because she won’t buy him an ipad, hence ending up on Dr. Phil, but for the sake of not wanting to get into that minefield of inappropriateness, I’ll leave it my edited version: He’s constantly getting EFFed.

…I washed a pull-up in the washing machine last night and ten thousand little crystal things exploded everywhere. How could a product designed to absorb water explode so much when wet. EFF!

From the house to your birthday expenses are mounting. EFF!

And the last installment of preschool tuition is due. EFF!

And we have to sign up for next year. EFF!

And what the hell, things keep breaking?!

What do you mean, you have to come back another day to finish the job? How many days can we watch “Monsters University” three times in a row home waiting for you?!

A man hit me–not the car–but me with his grocery cart in the parking lot of Stop & Shop this morning?!

I have zits like a seventh grader!

I watched Schmidt on “New Girl” last night eat a block of cheese like it was an apple and thought nothing was wrong that?!

I said I would volunteer? I did?

How the hell do you make birthday cupcakes for school without eggs?! Why the hell do you have to bring anything into school on a birthday at all?

Why does every Halloween candy have peanuts?!

It’s forty extra dollars to draw two crowns on a cake!

Nana bought you a Little Mermaid shell necklace that plays music so Ariel’s operatic voice is perpetually sounding through the air!

EFF!

EFF!

EFFFFFFFFFF!

Somedays, babies, you just feel like this.

F That.

Love,

Mom

4 thoughts on “Wednesday, October 23, 2013: The Letter After E.

  1. Shannon says:

    If its any consolation my son is allergic to peanuts and we thank you for your efforts. Also, no there’s hardly any candy that’s peanut free and for a younger child. Annoying! I mean- F!

    • amydenby says:

      This is my first Halloween with my son’s peanut allergy, and I while I’m often surprised how many things are made in facilities w/ peanuts, the Halloween candy aisle took the cake. It. Was. Everything. Oh well, lollipops for us this year! Which I guess, come late November when I’m usually still gnawing on leftover snickers, is doing me a favor (or at least my thighs). Thanks for reading. Have a great (and healthy/safe!) Halloween — Amy

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